Thursday, August 21, 2014
4 keys and an office
The photo to the left is of the keys I have as part of my work (the flat gray tab is electronic). Now, I've had keys to where I work before, usually to the store when I worked retail or to my office and classrooms when I taught, but those were never more than a single key (two in the case of office and classrooms). With this new work I have doubled, if not quadrupled, my burden of responsibillity.
It's funny, as I feel no pressure about having responsibility for something as nebulous as the souls of seventy or eighty residents and staff; but give me something physical of keys and a place with the solidity of an office and my anxiety rises exponentially.
I use the keys each week as they are to the units I visit. I visit my office perhaps twice a month, usually to use the computer when on-campus. All my materials are in the trunk of my car, ready to hand, and I spend all of my workdays at the units, generally having a leisurely walk between buildings (it helps me to keep my life and thoughts slow). My wife's advice is to get over myself, to recognize that I've grown up and can be trusted with such things, and accept it. It's ego, I know, my self-image of myself as someone ready to split when the going got hard. But as my mentor once pointed out to me, "when was the last time you ran from a situation?", and the answer was sometime in the late 80s. Despite my cutoffs and armless tees and sandals, I am a deeply responsible square now. One of the girls I minister to even convinced me I would be a really good dad.
As if to add insult to injury.